Why I Run

Recently I was asked why I run, as in "What is the draw to make you do that to yourself?"  I laughed, and I responded with something like how I just love to see how I can push myself, and how it is great for me to just go out to run and think.  However, that question has kind of stuck with me over the past week.  I've been asking myself over the past week why it is that I do this crazy thing?  I mean, I'm halfway to 90 years old, which means I've more than likely already lived more than half of my life - why would I want to spend so many hours, heartbeats, and breaths out there just running?  I've got arthritis in my right foot that causes pain with every.single.step that I ever take, and last year I had arthroscopic knee surgery on my left knee to remove a part of my torn meniscus - so now as my orthopedic doctor said, that now my "bad knee" which causes me pain with every.single.step.  So with my right foot hurting, and my left knee hurting, I simply can't take a single step without feeling some level of pain.  So why on earth would I lace up my shoes and go run? 


This morning as I was out for my run, I thought about that quite a bit.  I know one reason that I run is that it allows me to have some intentional "me" time.  By nature I am an extreme extrovert - I LOVE talking to and with people.  But when I run, it's just me.  I never run with someone else (unless it's in a race, of course).  Now, I'll be the first one to admit that if I see someone walking, running, riding their bike, or raking their yard, I'm super excited to get to say "Good morning!  Beautiful day!"  But other than that, it's just me.  I think everyone needs some of that "me" time, whether it is through running, walking, knitting, or even baking. 


When I run, I always run with one ear bud in and one stuck behind my ear.  By having the one tucked behind my ear I'm able to listen to the sounds around me: birds sings, dogs barking, distracted drivers texting on their phone heading right towards me . . . you get the picture.  With the one ear bud in, I listen to podcasts - mostly podcasts of some of my favorite preachers like Andy Stanley, Adam Hamilton, Erwin McManus, and Louie Giglio.  (For any of my preacher friends that might be reading this, let me point you towards one I've recently started listening to:  "Art of the Sermon," hosted by Dan Wunderlich - great stuff as he interviews different preachers and how they go through the process of crafting a message)  Today, I was listening to a podcast from Passion City Church (Louie Giglio's), and it was a part of a series they've been doing call "Don't Waste." Today's message was "Don't Waste Your Pain," and it was an interview with Jay and Katherine Wolf (learn more of their story at hopeheals.com).  When Jay was in his last year of law school, and they had a 6 month old child, Katherine suffered a massive stroke that put her in ICU for 40 days and caused significant impairment.  I know I'm paraphrasing it and probably messing it all up, but one of the things they talked about it how our suffering isn't to punish us; instead, our suffering is a tool to be used by us for God's glory.  Katherine talked about how people shouldn't feel sorry for what she's been through, because what she's been through has enabled her to tell her story of how God was with them through all of the difficult times.  Trust me - you need to hear their story. 


As I listened to that message, I thought about the pain that I felt with each step.  I was reminded of how when I had surgery on my arthritic toe, my doctor told me that my running had probably helped some, because through the running, a piece of the bone that was blocking up the joint had broken off.  I got to thinking about how God is using my running and my pain to actually keep my foot from being any worse - I think of it kind of like sandpaper smoothing things out.  And if I'm running and I don't feel the pain as much, that usually means I've altered my stride and leaning towards the outside of my foot - which caused a stress fracture a few years ago.  The pain in my foot lets me know that I'm running exactly as I'm supposed to.  The pain in my knee is nothing like the pain in my foot - it's more of a discomfort.  However, it's not getting any better, and so far it's not getting any worse. 


So as I set out on my run this morning, with all of these things on my mind, I had intended to only run 4-5 miles.  But somewhere in the middle of listening to that podcast, I began to notice something: I had no pain. None.  Not in my foot, not in my knee - none.  This wasn't a "runner's high," though that may have also occurred.  It was at that moment I felt so close to God - I felt as if He was right there running beside me.  And I could not stop.  So I ran the longest distance since I ran the NYC Marathon on 11/1/15 - I ran 9 miles.  I'm not saying that to brag, because I know that I have friends that can do that for a warm up and then go do interval training.  I say that because that's one of the main reasons that I run.  It's not to escape from pain, and it's not just to escape from my troubles or worries.  I run because that is one of the times that I feel closest to God. 


Running may not be your thing, and trust me - I get that.  But if you don't have that "thing" that can help you feel close to God, then let's find out what that thing may be.  I'd love to talk with you through that, because when we can find that thing that helps us feel close to God, a whole lot of pain can be washed away. 

And so it begins . . .

Today was Day 1 of my 18 week journey to the 2014 NYC Marathon.  Though I've been back in the running saddle for about a month now after recovering from a stress fracture in my foot, today was the first official training run.  We just got back from vacation on Saturday, and so Saturday afternoon I set down and began researching and comparing different training plans.  There are a bunch out there - some that are free, some that are not.  Some that call for running 3 days a week, and some that call for 6.  The options are probably just as numerous as the 52,000 runners who will be running on Sunday, November 2 through all 5 boroughs of New York.  

As all of the plans were different, one thing that all marathon plans have in common is a long run at the end of the week.  Each week, that long run progressively gets longer, preparing you for the 26.2 on race day.  Most plans have the long run set up on either Saturday or Sunday.  As Sundays are not the best day for me to do a long run, I decided to customize a plan that would allow me to do my long runs on Friday instead, which is the day that I take off from the church.  That would then still allow me to have family time on Saturday, and not be completely exhausted during that time with them.

One thing I have done as I customized my plan was that I borrowed some features of some other plans that I found.  One plan - the Run Less, Run Faster plan - calls for just 3 runs a week: an interval run, a tempo run (a pace that is about 30 seconds faster than a comfortable 5K pace), and a long run (which should be typically quite a bit slower - a nice, easy run).  I've been drawn to that type of plan, because I know that I have a history of injury now (2 tibial stress fractures with one in each leg, arthritis in big toe which has required 1 surgery, and a stress fracture of the 3rd metatarsal on the same foot as my arthritic big toe).  So I really want to get the training in, but I also want to remain injury free.  I have added a 4th run after reading through some of the other plans, which is simply a slow, easy 3 mile the day following the long run.  

This morning was the first interval run.  Some days I am going to go to the track and do the intervals there, but other days I going to do a run that has a funny name, but simply because it is Swedish:  fartlek.  A fartlek is a stinky run (aren't they all?).  Actually it is a word that means "speed play."  It is where you pick out a landmark in front of you, and you run hard until you get to that point.  Once you hit that point, you do not stop running, but you do slow down to a pace where you can regain your breath and your heart rate.  And then you do it over and over again.  It basically takes away some of the monotony from running around a track, or simply running the same pace all the time.  

I ran a route that allowed me to tackle some of the few hills that are actually in my neighborhood.  I was intentional to run hard up the hills and for a distance afterwards.  The plan I'm doing usually calls for a total of 3 miles on interval days (Mondays), and so I started with a half-mile warm up, and then I did the intervals the rest of the way.  I did start my run a little late this morning - 7:20.  That will probably not happen too many more times this summer, as the heat and humidity will be a bear.  

Tuesdays are a cross-training day.  In the morning I'll do yoga to improve my flexibility and core strength, and then later in the day I'll go to the gym and do some weights with high reps.  I will admit that I am not looking forward to Wednesdays tempo run, but I know that it is an important part to the training.  

Somehow, this all has really started to feel real. 

Sore Does Feel Good

Deep down inside I knew that even though I had been doing water running (though not for the past month ...), I knew that I was going to be sore after my first run on pavement.  I didn't want to think that I would be sore, because I tend to think that I'm still the runner that I was previously (in my mind, I still can run a 5:00 mile - granted, that was MANY years ago).  Yet reality is that I will soon be 42, and life catches up to us.  So as good as it felt to run for the first time in many months on Monday, I certainly felt it on Tuesday.

Tuesday morning I trudged myself out of bed, and forced myself to go to the gym.  Once again, it's often that first step that is the hardest, and as soon as I stepped out of bed I felt the soreness.  I was sore in places that I had no idea I would have ever been sore in!  But the beautiful thing of the pain was that it was pain that I new that I had a part in causing - that pain was not the result of the surgeon's blade; that pain was not the result of Uncle Arthur (Ritis) coming for a visit; that pain was pure, well earned pain.  And though it may have caused me to walk a little awkwardly, people were used to seeing me walk weird in dealing with my foot healing.  I made it through my circuit in the exercise room, and then I found my way back to my beloved pool.  Though my feet never touched the bottom, I imagined myself running a beautiful trail along a river.  As is always the case, the longer I went the better I felt.  It's so good getting back into a routine.

Yesterday I went the second mile.  Literally.  I ran a mile, which was my second mile of the year.  Mad props, right?  I know it's not big deal, but it means the world to me.  I was able to slow my pace down a little bit - though it was something I wanted to do anyway, the soreness would not allow me to go as fast.  Still, ran that mile in 9:42, and really felt like I could have keep going.  The main thing is for me to build back some sort of core that I can then build upon, so I don't want to do too much too fast.  This is a marathon; not a sprint.  But it sore/sure does feel good to be back on the road.  

First (s)mile in a while

This morning I did something that I have not done this year.  This morning I did something that I have not done since Thanksgiving of 2012.  This morning, I put on my running shoes and I went for a run. 

Every journey begins with a single step.  Today, I began my journey again as I ran my first mile since I had surgery on my foot on May 15.  It's been close to 10 weeks now, and the realization has hit me that while my foot still has some pain, we believe that this is the level of pain that I'll just have to endure until medical science figures out a better solution.   I was so excited, and even though I knew that I was only going to go one mile, I still couldn't wait to hear the beep on my Garmin Forerunner signaling that it had connected to a satellite and was ready to track my run.  And once it beeped, it was like the starting gun went off - and off I went.

As I started running, I got to thinking about how a couple of years ago I would have thought it to be silly to go out on a hot, humid July morning and only run 1 mile.  I would have thought, What's the point in that much sweat for just one mile?  However, in light of not running any miles, I was thrilled to feel the sweat.  I was trying to pay close attention to my stride and my foot strikes - and I never would have given that much consideration to either of those before.  Yet I know that if I begin to favor that foot too much it will impact other parts of my body, so I wanted to make sure that I ran with a balanced, even, smooth stride.  I focused on making sure that each stride was as close to equal length.  I focused on my arms and making sure not to swing them too far across my chest.  I focused on keeping my shoulders square and keeping my head from bobbling around.  And I focused on my breath.  Though I've been intentional to try to build up my cardio, I've not been the most faithful to all of that since the last time I posted.  But in the midst of all of the things that I was focusing on, I was able to have a great first run.  The energy I felt when I was done was amazing - it was just a reminder of how much I love to run. 

In the end, I ran 1.1 mile with a 9:24 pace.  I anticipated that it was going to be more like a 10:30 pace, but I think I was just a little too excited.  I'm not going to run every day - tomorrow morning I'll be in the gym.  I don't want to go crazy overboard with all of this, but I'm very excited to at least be back on the pavement.  And so far no ill-effects from the run - my foot feels as it has for much of the past couple of months.  That's not to say that it feels great, but it's manageable. 

Good guilt

Guilt is something that can really bring someone down.  Guilt has the potential to limit us from becoming all that we're intended to become.  However guilt can also become an asset.  Guilt when we do something wrong is a positive - it's when you don't feel guilt for doing the wrong thing that you are in trouble.  So there can be both good and bad guilt.

After a long Sunday, I was exhausted at the end of the day.  Sometimes after a long, stressful day I just like to sit back and maybe play some stupid game on my phone (which right now is Real Racing 3, since I got tired of Candy Crush Saga - but that's a different story).  Sunday night I got so hooked into advancing my cares in RR3 that I ended up staying up much later than I should have, so when Monday morning rolled around at that alarm clock went off - and I didn't have to get up to take a child to school first - well, not only did I hit snooze but I also completely changed the alarm time for an hour later.  I was able to go back to sleep, but I promise you that from the moment I got up I felt guilty - guilty that I had not gotten up and gone to the gym.  I kept thinking about it all morning, and so at lunch I let my family know that I was coming home at 3:00 and I was going to the Y if they wanted to join me.  Sure enough, that guilt drove me to get done what I needed to get done, and I was able to get into the pool for a bit of a workout.

As my family went to play racketball (with one son asking, "Dad, aren't you going to play with us?"  Maybe he thinks my foot is doing better than I think it is!), I went and got in the water.  I quickly learned my lesson as to why I would rather be in the water at 7:00 AM than after 3:00 PM - there were children everywhere.  Not that I don't love kids, but you may have read that my time in the pool is supposed to be my "ME" time.  I was aiming for 45 minutes, and I really was feeling the burn as I worked hard 5 minute intervals.  Just after 40 minutes in the water, the lifeguards blew the whistle making everyone get out - even though it is an indoor pool, when there is a thunderstorm everyone has to be out of the pool and off the pool deck.  Better safe than sorry.  This morning I was able to go in and use the elliptical and do some circuit training.  Tomorrow will be back in the pool.

The next 2.5 weeks will be an interesting time for me.  I leave tomorrow morning (after my time in the water) to go to Annual Conference in Greenville - will have to do the best that I can with the hotel exercise room.  Sunday I leave to be at Louisburg College for the week for a conference youth event that I'll be a part of - not sure what will be available to me there.  The week after that I'll be on vacation with the family in Corolla out on the Outer Banks.  If I can maintain over this 2.5 weeks, then maybe I'll be a little closer to actually starting to hit the pavement - my goal to start running is July 15.  Maybe my guilt will keep me in check and help me be ready.

Flood of devotion

This morning I was not able to go to the Y for my normal workout time because today my youngest son was completing the 8th grade.  With the time of the awards/graduation ceremony, I knew that I would have to go later - which is just fine since Fridays are the day that I take off.  Fitting that on a day that was filled with a flood of emotion for many was also a day of flash floods as Tropical Storm Andrea great the area with a sloppy wet kiss.  Now having had 2 sons complete middle school at Eastern Wayne Middle School, I am so grateful for the devotion that the teachers and administrators have poured out to these students - and I know that both of my boys have been shaped under their tutelage. 

After a great lunch at Sumo, I was able to make it to the Y for my "me" time.  I think one of the things that I miss the most about not being able to run yet is that my runs were such a spiritual/devotion kind of time.  It was just me and God.  Yes, sometimes the devil would sneak in, but usually is was just God and me.  The deep water jogging has been a decent replacement as I rehab my foot, and today was true to form.  When I got into the water, there were very few people in the pool, which was a definite plus in my book.  Though I've tested on the MBTI as an extreme extrovert, I definitely have developed some extreme introvert tendencies - and I love, love, love that time where it is just me.  I found it to be an interesting scene as I could look out of the windows and see the torrential downpours, while I "ran" in the 10' deep water. 

As I ran, I kept reflecting upon how God has guided and directed my path through some stressful situations lately, and I just gave thanks for His ever-faithful devotion.  After my first 5 minutes of warm-ups, I began to alternate intensity every 5 minutes - 5 hard and fast, 5 slow and steady.  Before I knew it, my intended 30 minutes were up - but I just was not ready to leave what had become a sacred space for me.  So I decided to stretch it to 45.  When it hit 45, I decided to do what so many teachers have done day in and day out - I went beyond the expectation and I completed the full hour.  When I climbed out of the pool, my body felt like Jello - and it felt amazing.  I haven't had a workout/run like that for several months - possibly since October when I had my last longish run of 8 miles.  I definitely had that "runner's high" today, and I was reminded how much I've missed that.  And I definitely look forward to earning that again - hopefully within a month - out on the road. 

The doctor said it was usually 2 months from the surgery before someone could start running, but he also said each case was different.  I know that my foot feels better today that it did just one week ago.  I am not going to push it too fast to get back to running - but I am getting excited because I know every day is a little bit closer.  Between now and then, I've just got to remain devoted. 

Harmony to the melody that nobody hears

After a late night visit to the local hospice for someone who is dying, I was fairly certain when I finally went to bed last night that I would not be going to the gym this morning.  However, as is often the case, I felt guilty this morning, so I still went.  Only having a few hours of sleep, and only having 1 cup of coffee, off I went and I wearily got up on the elliptical trainer.  Once I got everything programed on the machine, I just went to work - and to truly escape from the fact that I was stuck on a different kind of "dreadmill," I stuck my ear buds in and listened to Pandora on my phone.  One of the stations that I've found on there is the "Worship Central" station, and it plays pretty current worship and praise music from a lot of the artists that I like.  Listening to the music, and not having to worry about where I was running (since I was on the elliptical, of course), I just shut my eyes and focused on the music and my breathing - though more focused on the music.  Sometimes I get so immersed in what I'm doing that I almost completely forget that other people are even around.  Such was the case this morning.  I soon realized that I was singing harmony to the melody of "How Great is Our God" by Chris Tomlin.  I knew it was the harmony, though I'm not sure that the 20 or so other people in the room who were annoyed by me knew that's what it was. 

Everybody has a harmony in their lives to a song that no one else hears.  It's that thing that drives you to something - whether it is what drives you to greatness in your work, your sports, or even your music.  That drive is the perfect harmony to what it is you are trying to accomplish - and many times no one else can see how compatible the 2 things are.  For runners, people will often say "I can't understand why anybody would want to run!  I'd only run if somebody's chasing me or it they've rung the dinner bell."  (Be honest - tell me that you've never heard either or those - or if you're not a runner, you know that you've said it!)  It's as if they only hear the harmony but don't understand the melody.  Same with followers of Christ - the world will say "I can't believe you'd get up early on Sunday/give your money away/go off on that mission trip for people that can't help themselves!"  Because again, they can't hear the whole song - the melody and the harmony that bring it all together. 

For you, I hope that you will keep singing the harmony, even if nobody hears the music in your life.  I know I did, albeit not quite as loud.  After the elliptical, I did some intensive circuit training - and then I was wiped out.  Time to rest - because every song has at least one rest.