Questions (doubt) creeping in

Today I ran farther than I have ever run before - 18 miles. I ran without having any real problems - no blisters, no cramps, no "significant" pain (of course, that is a relative term). The sun was out, but it was still nice and cool, with a decent wind at times - sometimes quite gusty, which made it difficult, but soon I would go around a bend and the wind would be at my side or even better - at my back. I did not walk once, however I did have to take 2 rest room breaks - though truthfully there was no rest or room involved (hey - 3 hours is a long time to go without going, if you know what I mean). Everything should have been perfect.

But somewhere around mile 9 or 10 I began wonder what I was doing and why. Friday is my day off - my day of rest - and there I was running with reckless abandon. It seemed that I could think of was other things that I could be doing instead of running. And I really began to wonder if I actually even WANT to run a marathon. Am I running it to simply be able to say "I ran a marathon," or so that I can put one of those "26.2" stickers on my car window? Am I running it to just prove to myself that I can do something that just a year and a half I would have thought was impossible? Do I even think it's possible to do now? How much more can I push myself? It just seemed like if there was a negative thought, doubt, or question that could have come up, it did. And I'm not sure I have all the answers. But I do know this - on Sunday, January 10 at 5:50 AM, I will be lined up with thousands of other people who have probably dealt with these exact same questions, and when the fireworks go off, we will begin our journey throughout the world of Disney. Will I ever run another after this one? One thing I learned in my run today is you have to run the mile your in before you can run the next mile - let the next mile worry about itself.

Mi 1 - 8:54.73
Mi 2 - 9:07.25
Mi 3 - 9:15.1
Mi 4 - 9:16.46
Mi 5 - 9:30.77
Mi 6 - 9:38.27
Mi 7 - 9:28.66
Mi 8 - 9:28.39
Mi 9 - 10:02.44
Mi 10 - 9:47.8
Mi 11 - 10:08.06
Mi 12 - 9:54.61
Mi 13 - 10:14.19
Mi 14 - 10:25.28
Mi 15 - 10:38.9
Mi 16 - 10:19.24
Mi 17 - 10:34.13
Mi 18 - 10:22.79
Total = 2:57:07.07

FYI - For anyone curious, my Garmin tells me that I used 2,513 calories. And yes, I made up for that with a Jersey Mike's Chicken Parm sub!